Thirty Something

I am officially a year older. My birthday was on Saturday and I have graduated to the wonderful age of 34.

When I detach myself from my own age and objectively consider people in their thirties I picture well put together adults, people who have life figured out for the most part, people leading happy, productive lives, with either a booming career or a full family life, or both. I envision responsible, contributing members of society. I mean 30 sometihng sounds so mature and groomed. Gone are the fun more adventurous years of your 20’s. And long gone are the reckless and crazy teenage years. By your 30’s you should have sewn your wild oats, lived dangerously, made mistakes and taken risks. Anyone who is in their 30’s, especially mid thirties is definitely an adult now and should behave accordingly.

So these are my objective, detached thoughts. But do they coincide with reality? Do I consider myself responsible, productive, contributing? Do I have my life together? Am I on the right track? Have I left my carefree days behind me? And more importantly, do I have to? Honestly, I think the answer to my questions are both yes and no.

Yes, I feel more confident as a person, in who I am and what I want my life to reflect. Yes, I do lead a full, productive life. Yes, I am more responsible. But at times I still long to be wild and crazy, to throw caution to the wind and say “to heck with it!” I embrace my life and am so very grateful for it, I believe it to be on the right track and yet I also have so much more I want to be, do and see. I’m not anywhere near reaching my full potential or finishing my “bucket list”. And there are still times I feel lost and confused, unsure of what path to choose when I reach a fork in the road. Just because I’m an adult doesn’t necessarily mean I have it all figured out. In fact, I’m pretty sure I make a real mess of things more often than need be.

As a young girl I remember when my parents were in their 30’s. I thought they were geniuses. To me it appeared as though they knew it all and had their lives completely together. Maybe this is why I have these feelings about what a person in their 30’s should look like? Now that I am in my 30’s I’m not so sure that my understanding of my parents at this age was accurate. I think they did they best they could with the knowledge they had, just as we all do. But I suspect that if I were to go back in time and ask my 30 something year old parents if they feel mature, confident, responsible and together they would respond as I do: yes and no. (I must clarify that I do believe they were well above average though).

It seems to me that a person in their 30’s has acquired enough life experience to know that yeah, they know a lot, but also to know that there is so much more to learn and they are eager to learn it. In other words they know that they know, but they also know that they don’t know and they are willing to accept and admit this fact. They no longer harbor the need to prove themselves and are mature enough to seek growth, probably for the first time ever, and therefore are open to developing as a person. But they are also confident in what they have learned thus far, making life a great balancing act.

Reaching this understanding is intensely liberating. This is probably why 30-something adults give the illusion of having it all together. There is no more (or at least a lot less!) pressure to impress or prove. You are free to be you, knowing you aren’t perfect but not trying to be either, just working to do your best and be the best version of you.

As a 34 year old woman I am happy to be me, to live my life, to care for my children, to pursue my dreams and goals. I have a firm foundation to lean on. I am confident and content. However, I am also open to new ideas, to growth and change. I am eager for excitement and fun. I crave to learn more, to be more, to do more. I am blessed by what I have and also look forward to what’s to come. I rarely feel intimidated or insecure anymore, or if I do, it’s not for long. I know I don’t have to impress everyone or prove myself. I can’t be everything to everyone, it’s a ridiculous notion. But I can be the best me, which is important, and I can work towards improving me as I continue to journey through life. This is what being 30-something means to me.

I wonder what 40-something will mean….?