No Way, Jose!!!

This past weekend my oldest son participated in a soccer tournament for the second time. We belong to a recreational league so tournaments are not a part of our soccer system. However he has had the opportunity to join a competitive tournament with his recreational team twice. I blogged a while back about the first tournament. It was painful and joyful at the same time. Our guys got the crap beat out of them repeatedly. They played well, they worked hard, they had admirable attitudes, but they just didn’t measure up. There are many different factors that contributed to this but bottom line is they were outplayed.

This weekend was different. In fact it was 180 degrees different. Our recreational team beat the pants off of every team they faced. They didn’t just win, they annihilated. Everyone, ourselves included, was blown away. Our boys improved leaps and bounds in just a matter of months. No one could believe that our little rec league team from nowhere showed up completely unknown and actually swept the tournament. It was surprise, elation, joy, disbelief, pride, excitement, entertainment, appreciation all rolled into one. A movie-worthy weekend.

But here is the part that stuck out to me the most. Yes, it was AWESOME to witness our team kick some butt. However, this fun is not the feeling that has stuck with me throughout the week. These past few days I’ve been contemplating some major differences between our team and the teams we competed against.

Our boys received constant positive feedback, both from the coaches and the spectators. We cheered and encouraged relentlessly throughout each game. This is nothing new for us. We do the same thing during each of their normal soccer games played at our rec league. Our coaches and parents for all our teams provide a consistent positive learning environment for the players. In our league we believe that this is the best and most effective means of teaching. We further believe that this approach will have positive long lasting effects on the child. We groom, we guide, we encourage. Within this framework there is also room for correction and discipline. We do not permit any degree of unsportsmanlike conduct, yet our focus is highly geared towards positive reinforcement.

During the tournament I was shocked to see and hear quite the opposite from the opposing teams. Their side only cheered when a goal was made. One coach yelled repeatedly at his team that they were better than us and they should easily beat us (we could hear every word). Many of their players unnecessarily roughed up our boys and used excessive force (I understand that some physicality is expected but trust me, this was well beyond the norm). One player was ejected from the game completely and then his coach tried to sneak him back in later on. The list can go on and on, but this is enough to make my point, which is this:

What in the hell are those coaches and parents teaching their children? Because let’s not forget, they are children, only 6 and 7 years old. They are being taught to lie, cheat, disrespect and presume themselves superior to others. Yes, it’s a soccer game, but the values (or lack thereof) are being absorbed into these children’s beings and will affect their person for years to come. Instead of improving their skill they will resort to low blows and cheating. They won’t feel accepted or worthy unless they succeed or win. They will look down on others who are different or who don’t qualify. They will play to win, not to enjoy. They are not learning from their mistakes, they are being told not to have any mistakes. It’s ridiculous!

I realize that I am oversimplifying and that not all those kids are destined to doom. But after observing the vast differences displayed over the weekend I am so very grateful to be a part of our rec league. We may not be as big as the other guys. We may not have the swanky attire and paid coaches. Heck, we don’t even belong in the same skill bracket. And yet there is no way I would switch to any of the teams we played. No way, Jose! To me instilling lifelong values and creating a supportive, nourishing environment is much more important in the long run than winning a particular game. But the best part is that our boys do have the same skill level as the other teams! They beat the snot out of them! Yet they did so with dignity, respect, hard work and outstanding attitudes. This is the way to play, win or lose. This is the basis for a productive, healthy, happy person.

I am so very proud of our team that exhibits skill and sportsmanship. I am proud of our coaches who do not criticize, but construct. I am proud of our parents and friends and family members who encourage and support no matter what.