The Keeper of my Children..... And Everybody Else's.....

As I write these words all I can hear are shrieks of laughter behind me, shrieks so loud they entirely drown out any other sounds competing to be heard in the vicinity. But they are indeed shrieks of laughter. I’ll take them. Even if it means barely being able to concentrate as I write.

My children and a neighborhood friend are the sources of these shrieks. They are engaged in some sort of game, I think this one might involve tickling. Today is a holiday and my children have been playing like today is the last day of play forever since about noon. It is now 7pm. We just finished dinner, our neighbor friend stayed to join us. But besides this break for dinner they have been going at it full-steam-ahead for nearly seven straight hours.

We are blessed to live in a neighborhood full of children close in age to my own. My boys think a day without play is akin to pure torture. Unless we have soccer practice they can usually squeeze in an hour or two with their friends most week days, in between homework and dinner (we always eat together as a family), on the weekends it’s usually much longer. I am with them for a great majority of this time. For starters my 20 month old daughter longs to be a part of the group. She (obviously) needs constant parental supervision so I need to be wherever she is. We have fabulous weather this time of year so the kids are outside 90% of the time, my daughter included, and by default, myself included. My daughter, bless her, tries her best to keep up with the “big” kids (they range in age from 4 to 7). She’s usually at least 20 paces behind. By the time she finally reaches the group they’re off to the next activity. No problem, she just follows along, and yes, so do I.

My boys are allowed to be semi-independent on occasion. The moments where it is impossible for me to be with them I give them a walkie-talkie to use. They are well trained in answering me when I call and informing me of their location every single time they move. It’s not the same as me being there in person, but it’s much better than permitting them to roam free (as a few of the other kids their age do). And by our neighborhood, I mean one street. We live on the back end of the development so there are zero through streets. Ours is the last stop, it’s a pretty safe area with very low traffic and all the kids know not to leave our street. Most of them comply.

Back to the shrieks. These kids operate under one volume: loud. This is normal for kids playing together, but there is a difference between happy shrieks and unhappy shrieks. Happy shrieks, though loud and somewhat interfering, I can handle, in fact I enjoy them. Unhappy shrieks on the other hand are unbearable. Fighting, whining, complaining….. Ugh! I either ignore it and let them duke it out on their own, which works quite well much of the time, or I intervene and appear as Evil Mama. Trust me, you do not want to cross Evil Mama! She does not mess around. (When you are the only parent supervising a group of at least 5 kids you can’t give an inch… or else you lose.)

Most of the time spent with our neighborhood kids is wonderful. The kids get tons of activity (bikes are a big hit) and use their imagination (army games seem to be “the” game at the moment, they’re always on some secret mission or other). And a few other parents are usually out there watching over their kids so the adults can congregate and converse as well. Yes, there are squabbles. Yes, feelings get hurt. And on occasion, yes, someone does get pummeled. But isn’t this part of growing up? Isn’t this where each personal character begins to take shape and is molded? Isn’t this how it’s supposed to be? All in all it’s a very safe place to grow up, not only physically but mentally and emotionally as well. Most of the kids come from loving families that do their best to instill values and raise healthy, well-adjusted children.

Unfortunately, there are a few parents who are rarely seen, some never seen. Nevertheless their kids are free to run the streets. For a while I was angry, and quite frankly, concerned by this lack of supervision. Like I said, the oldest of our group is only 7. I thought it unfair that only a couple of us care for and watch over all the children. I was upset that I was constantly out there alone (or accompanied by only one other parent), or their kids were constantly in my home, while they were doing who knows what (I honestly have no idea what some parents do while their children are gone for hours on end).

After a time of entertaining these thoughts I realized they were doing nothing but causing unnecessary negativity within my being. The situation wasn’t any different but I was becoming increasingly annoyed and irritated. I finally realized how dumb I was being and told myself to get over it already! I came to realize that I was actually being given a precious and important gift. I was (I am) able to be with my children, as their guardian, instructor and support all the time. I am involved with each of my three children almost every hour of the day. I am also very involved with their friends nearly every day. How great is this?! I am laying a foundation of trust and involvement that will stand firm (hopefully!) for the years to come. My kids are used to my presence and my involvement in their lives, without being overbearing. I give them independence... while keeping a watchful eye. 

My desire is for this closeness to take a firm hold within my children and flourish so that in the years to come I will be “let in” as they grow, change and mature, as they dive in to new phases and stages of life, as they experience new things and feelings (some good, some challenging). There won’t be a need to prove myself worthy of their trust, I’ll have gained it already through my years of consistent and constant “being there”. Who knows, I may even be honored with “being there” for some of their friends as well.

I no longer resent my position as one of the only supervising parents. I now acknowledge it for the privilege that it is. I strive to be a positive influence for them all, watching over them, helping fix their bikes or boo-boos, offering snacks or water, laughing at jokes, watching them perform a “cool move”, calming a dispute and every once in a while, when necessary, unleashing Evil Mama.

I am truly blessed and truly grateful.

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